You get home from work.

Phone in hand, you drop your bag, take off your shoes and hang your jacket.

All you need is to stare out the window for a minute, so your brain can recharge from the social interactions you had today.

But then next thing you know, you've been staring at your phone for the past 30 minutes, standing in the hallway like a moron. Doom scrolling.

Wtf?

Because before you even made 3 steps toward the kitchen to pour yourself a glass of water, you've opened TikTok.

Probably without even realizing it. Just out of habit.

The fuck.

Before I quit my job, I barely used social media. I was a ghost. Posted once every 2 years and wasn't aware of what everybody else was doing.

But after I quit, I wanted to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. And I discovered the online world of influencers telling you how to live your life.

And I started listening to them.

And you know what? I can't say it hasn't helped me.

But today, I'm very aware that other people's opinions have started to make me question not only my decisions, but how I feel about things.

I'm talking dating. Content creation. Business. Money. Spirituality. Everything of interest to me, actually — because it got on my algorithm.

I've lost touch of how I wanted to do things, and started to be way too aware of what I should do and how I should act to get what I want in life.

Like other people knew me better than I knew myself?!

Nonsense.

You can't get what you really want if you only do what you think you should do.

To get what you want, you have to listen to how you feel, and do what you know is best for you. Even if — especially if — it goes against what everyone is telling you.

When you force yourself to apply some people's advice, even if it doesn't feel right for you, it doesn't work.

And that doesn't just apply to random people on the internet. Friends and family too, can give you advice they think would be good... but what makes sense for them doesn't automatically makes sense for you.

So about content creation.

I used to like it. Have fun posting content.

And then I fell so deep into learning about marketing tactics and content strategy to grow a following, that I totally lost touch of what I wanted to create.

And ironically... I'm fairly certain that this is the reason my content hasn't "performed".

Because I'm a creator. And when I create from my truth, it feels effortless and natural... which is exactly what content needs to feel like to be attractive.

But, worst of all, I've started consuming more than I create.

Nowadays, I'll open TikTok or Instagram, think to myself that I should post something, feel uninspired, doomscroll, looking for inspiration that never comes, then end up reaching my time limit on the app... without posting a single thing.

And, not gonna lie, I cheat my time limit more often than I like to admit.

So I've decided to take a break. Maybe for a week or two.

No consuming content. And no posting, either. Because I need a reset.

I need to reconnect with reality. What do I do offline? What do I want to share? How do I want to live MY life?

I certainly do not need to watch another "social media growth coach" telling me how to find hashtags.

That sounds dramatic, but I kid you not that's how I've been feeling this week.

I'm also tempted to delete my accounts and restart from scratch.

But that's a topic for another day, and I won't do this on an impulse — hence why I need a break lol.

If you're curious, my handle is @mpportier, both on TikTok and Instagram.

And for the record, I'm still figuring out what I want to post 🤷‍♀️

So, until next week, friend

MP xx